the highly sensitive person

therapy for the highly sensitive, the introvert, emotionally intense, creative or gifted  

You may relate to one of the above words, or perhaps a few or all of them. There is often a lot of overlap between them. They can be tricky to pin down and define. Often, people are misunderstood, labelled or even diagnosed with “conditions” that completely miss the truth of these experiences. These misunderstandings can make it harder to work through your emotional struggles, rather than helping. I have personal experience of learning to understand, live with and thrive on these experiences myself. And I use an integrative approach to psychotherapy, to help understand your unique experience, and can work with you to find your best way too. 

That may be about thriving on these parts of you, or understanding the added impact they can have on other emotional struggles, like anxiety or depression. Below is some more in-depth information, or if you’d like to chat more about therapy with me, feel free to email or call…

the highly sensitive person & emotional intensity

If the term ‘Highly Sensitive Person’ resonates with you, you’ve perhaps likely heard comments from people around you – you’re too sensitive, over-sensitive, fragile or need to toughen up. It can be so easy to have heard these all your life, and learned to believe them, wondering why it is you feel you don’t fit in or can’t react to the world around you like others do.

But as Elaine Aron, who coined the term in her fantastic book (The Highly Sensitive Person) explains, this increased level of sensitivity can be seen in around 15-20% of the population. And while it may be seen as a flaw to some, and indeed be hard for an HSP to live with themselves, it can bring great advantages too. High sensitivity may show up in an emotional sense, feeling profoundly moved or affected by many things, with deep ability for empathy. There are physical manifestations like feeling more sensitive to pain, or being more affected than most by things like caffeine. Or it can show up in practical, every-day ways too – feeling easily irritated or affected by things like strong smells, coarse fabrics, or sights and sounds. Overall it’s perhaps best summed up by feeling overstimulated by the world around you more easily than others. Big crowds and noisy places just exhaust you, while everyone else seems OK to carry on with their day. But it can also mean you pick up on all kinds of depths and minutiae that others seem to miss.

The HSP can often experience emotional intensity too. Maybe you’ve often heard people telling you you’re too much, too intense, and full on; and that you need to chill out or mellow a bit. So often your emotional intensity may have been seen as a flaw, something you were criticised for. You may often have felt that your highs are higher, and that your lows are lower than people around you. And struggle to understand how everyone else seems to live at a flatter, more level place. But whereas this is often seen as a flaw by people around you, you may feel that you’re more fully alive, experiencing the world in technicolour, and you wouldn’t want it any other way.

If any or all of the above resonate with you, just acknowledging that is an important starting point. Experiencing any of these can bring layers of richness and complexity to life; both amazing, positive ones, and at other times deeply painful or difficult. 

introversion

If you’re an introvert you may be all too familiar with how misunderstood and mischaracterised introversion is. How many times have you been told you’re too shy, too quiet, aloof or a loner? And that you should be more sociable and extroverted, and that you don’t seem to like people?!

Things often couldn’t be further from the truth. Introverts – (usually!) – love people and social interaction as much as anyone. In fact, they often crave deeper connections and conversations, perhaps with only one or two others, rather than the small-talk of busier groups and parties.

The key distinction with introversion is less about liking people than about energy levels. Whereas the extrovert needs and feels energised by social interaction, an introvert may still love the connection with others, but feel drained by it. They may love socialising but need to withdraw after a shorter period, to the quiet of solitude to rest and recharge.

That’s all there is to it really, but as Susan Cain explores so well in her book Quiet, in a world predominated by extroverts and that values extroversion so highly, the introverts among us can feel misunderstood and alienated, which can only add to existing mental health difficulties we may be facing.